Survivor Series Match-ups

Posted: July 13, 2015 in Uncategorized

The WWE hasn’t done a good Survivor Series in my adult life. They’ve had good matches (last year’s was great,) but not a good card. Survivor Series is about teams and weird pairings. I’ve heard it’s a hard match to work, and I can’t know that, but I’ve also heard the match is hard to book, and that’s bullshit. I took about 20 minutes to line up teams I’d want to see, writing this paragraph has taken more time than picking my teams. I also named them, because team names are awesome. Nobody cares about Team Kofi, but I would watched the Boom-Boom-Booms fight The Chosen. Survivor Series is a mash-up, or “what-if” that doesn’t have to make sense forever. It’s rummaging through your toybox and using every toy. Here’s the show:

NEW NEW DAY: Big E Langston, Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods, Jack Swager

Vs

USO LUCHO: Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Kalisto, Sin Cara

A couple of weeks leading up to Survivor Series the Usos and Lucha Dragons start turning the numbers game around on The New Day, so they need to find help. They scout and find Swager, maybe a couple of other guys too, like a contest. It doesn’t have to stick past Survivor Series, but wouldn’t feel odd. Swagger could throw around those tiny guys and take big double team moves. Some Zeb racism could be tossed in for fun. The bad guys losing would be a fine explanation to them not working together anymore. If you’d rather pick a black heel and push a militant aspect, awesome, I won’t, because I’m a coward.

THE WASTELAND: Sheamus, Wade Barrett, Viktor, Konner

Vs

THE MILLIONAIRES: Titus O’Neil , Derek Young, Dolph Ziggler, Neville

These midcard match-ups are awesome. You make Sheamus a captain, but name the team after a Barrett move so they both save face, pair them with a sagging tag team that can still look tough for 2 minutes. You team up four high energy good guys and have them bounce around the bad guys’ power moves and chair shots for fifteen minutes. It can end with anybody over you want, and still make sense.

THE WYATT FAMILY: Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper, Eric Rowen, & Mystery Partner

Vs

THE SURVIVORS: Randy Orton, R-Truth, Damien Sandow, Zack Ryder

In the weeks leading up to Survivor Series Bray Wyatt takes offense to Randy Orton being called the “Sole Survivor” so many times, and starts messing with him. He hints at a new disciple. People assume it’s Bo Dallas, or any other seeds they want to plant in the lead up. It could be a returning superstar, a NXT competitor, or even Bo, but the suspense is what matters. Randy being the victim of mind games lets him be a mean face. You could just as easily switch him out with ZIggler if that’s easier for current pushes.

TEAM SNACK BAR: Paige, Eva Marie, Natalya, Lana

Vs

TEAM MERCH TABLE: Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Alicia Fox, Summer Rae

I don’t care about women’s match-ups. Paige might be good, I sure think Alicia Fox is pretty. Maybe showcase the NXT girls here?

TEAM HUSTLE: John Cena, Hideo Itami, Finn Balor, Cesaro

Vs

TEAM RESPECT: Kevin Owens, Adam Rose, Curtis Axel, Fandango

The Cena/Owens feud is great, and there’s no reason to get rid of it. I’ve hated John Cena for 11 years now, and I’m not going to stop, but strap him onto three potential superstars and send them to the moon. Owens picking an antagonistic name and also working with the “not quites” is snarky and meta the way diehards love it. The result of this match wouldn’t matter, as long as it’s not Cena saving the day by beating all four.

TEAM CHAMPION: Seth Rollins, Big Show, Mark Henry, The Miz

Vs

THE CHALLENGERS: Brock Lesnar, Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, Ryback

The WWE has too many faces right now, I think that stems from toy sales. I’m not complaining, just acknowledging that this match-up IS uneven. To allow for more interest and uncertainty to the match, whoever pins the Champion wins the title. (should the guy who pins the champ get pinned later, the same rules apply.) This could go a lot of ways. My favorite would be Ambrose eliminating Rollins with a couple guys left on each side and then leaving and getting counted out to keep the title. You get it, the match is fun.

So there it is, my suggestion that you CAN make a good Survivor Series, at least on paper. Now you do it.

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