Survivor Series Line-Ups

Posted: July 1, 2015 in Uncategorized

The WWE hasn’t done a good Survivor Series in the modern era. They haven’t done a good Survivor Series sense Hulk Hogan! They’ve had good matches (last year’s was great,) and interesting innovations (the Elimination Chamber) but a front to back good Survivor Series hasn’t happened since before the attitude era. I’ve heard it’s a hard match to work, and I can’t know that, but I’ve also heard it’s a hard event to book, and that’s bullshit. I took about 20 minutes to line up teams I’d want to see fight with the current roster. I also named them, because team names are awesome. Nobody gives a fuck about Team Kofi, but I would have watched the Boom-Boom-Booms fight The Chosen. Survivor Series is a super fun mash-up that doesn’t have to make sense for all time. It’s a romp where you can count on your favorites winning, but small stars get to shine. Here are my ideas for a full roster show:

NEW NEW DAY: Big E Langston, Kofi Kingston, Xavier Woods, Jack Swager

Vs

USO LUCHO: Jimmy Uso, Jey Uso, Kalisto, Sin Cara

A couple of weeks leading up to Survivor Series the Usos and Lucha Dragons start turning the numbers game around on The New Day, so they need to find help. They scout and find Swager, help him win a couple of matches, and bring him to the team. It doesn’t have to stick past Survivor Series, but wouldn’t feel odd, plus he could throw around those tiny guys and take big double team moves. The bad guys losing would be a fine explanation to them not working together anymore. If you’d rather pick a black heel and push the racial aspect, awesome, I just don’t want to because I’m a coward.

THE WASTELAND: Sheamus, Wade Barrett, Viktor, Konner

Vs

THE MILLIONAIRES: Titus O’Neil , Derek Young, Dolph Ziggler, Neville

These midcard match-ups need not be boring. You make Sheamus a captain, but name the team after a Barrett move so they both save face, and pair them with a sagging tag team that can still look tough. You team up four high energy good guys and have them bounce around the bad guys’ power moves and chair shots for fifteen minutes. It can end with anybody over you want, and still make sense.

THE WYATT FAMILY: Bray Wyatt, Luke Harper, Eric Rowen, & Mystery Partner

Vs

THE SURVIVORS: Randy Orton, R-Truth, Damien Sandow, Zack Ryder

In the weeks leading up to Survivor Series Bray Wyatt takes offense to Randy Orton being called the “Sole Survivor” so many times, and starts messing with him. He hints at a new disciple. People assume it’s Bo Dallas, or any other seeds they plant in the lead up. It could be anybody; a returning superstar, a NXT competitor, or even Bo, but the suspense would be fun, as would seeing Randy be the victim of mind games. You could just as easily switch him out with ZIggler if that’s easier too. The result wouldn’t matter, and that’s the point with all these. They’re fun even in theory.

TEAM SNACKBAR: Paige, Eva Marie, Natalya, Lana

Vs

TEAM CIGARETTE: Brie Bella, Nikki Bella, Alicia Fox, Summer Rae

I don’t care about women’s match-ups. I cared about Lita, I sort of liked AJ, I watched Chyna & Trish, but I’m not going to pretend I care to look more professional here. It’s a fucking blog. Paige can wrestle and looks neat, some of the ladies on NXT are great. Make a better girls match if you want, but here’s one if you don’t.

TEAM HUSTLE: John Cena, Hideo Itami, Finn Balor, Cesaro

Vs

TEAM RESPECT: Kevin Owens, Adam Rose, Curtis Axel, Fandango

The Cena/Owens feud is great, and there’s no reason to get rid of it. I’ve hated John Cena for 11 years now, and I’m not going to stop, but there’s no reason you can’t strap him onto three potential faces and send them to the moon. Owens picking an antagonistic name and also working with the “not quites” is shitty and meta the way diehards and snarks love it. The result of this match wouldn’t matter.

TEAM CHAMPION: Seth Rollins, Big Show, Mark Henry, The Miz

Vs

THE CHALLENGERS: Brock Lesnar, Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, Ryback

The WWE has too many faces right now, I think that stems from toy sales. I’m not complaining, just acknowledging that this match-up IS uneven. To allow for more interest and uncertainty to the match, and to make it a main event, whoever pins the Champion wins the title. (should the guy who pins the champ get pinned later, the same rules apply.) This could go a lot of ways. My favorite would be Ambrose eliminating Rollins with a couple guys left on each side and then leaving and getting counted out so as not to lose the title himself, but regardless, you get it, the match is fun.

So there it is, my suggestion that you CAN make a good Survivor Series, at least on paper.

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