And There’s Reason To Believe

Posted: January 1, 2015 in Comedy Journal, Nonfiction

2014 was good and hard and ugly. I did things I wanted to, and things I didn’t. I lost and gained more than I think I realize. Mostly, I got older. My teeth hurt and my hair’s thinning; I’m weaker every day. Sometimes my chest aches for no reason. My vision is sometimes blurry. I cannot run a mile.

I read a lot of books. I did 30,000 push-ups, not in a row. I was on the radio a few times, and I met an incredible girl. She left me, but she knew me, and I even think she liked me. I wrote two or three jokes I’m really really proud of, and I’ve written for 35 days in a row.

I signed up for a contest I didn’t get into, so I signed up for another one.

I quit smoking, and I quit a city I’m pretty sure would have killed me. I moved to one that I hope will. Someday.

I thought my sister was going to die and she didn’t. That’s probably what this year should be about, but it doesn’t focus on me so I’ll ignore it. This might be the year I learned to love my sister.

This is the year my dad got his knees done, and maybe got his needs met. It’s the year I learned how to fight with him, and decided I don’t want to.

My car caught fire, I was questioned as a domestic terrorist, and I talked to the Columbus Free Press. They thought I was cool.

My best friends both had babies. My nephew had one too. They’re all going to be neat people. I sort of got on TV. I sort of will again. My niece got married and a friend got fat. I learned how to put text on pictures.

A buddy moved to the West Coast, we’re thinking of starting an alliance. I lived through the coldest winter I’ve seen. I slept in my car a lot. I grew a ponytail.

This year was one of the hardest of my life. I’m going to fucking crush you 2015.


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