All-Time Dream Match-ups

Posted: October 2, 2010 in Comedy Journal

This is one of my favorite games. We will be playing it A LOT!

Build your perfect Pro-Wrestling Card.

This Pay-Per-View takes place “Outside of Time.” In Chronolis, the city governed by Kang the Conqueror in Marvel Comic Books. So all of the participants are taken in their prime. You can use any promotion, any era. Please try and make the best possible matches, don’t just put everyone you think belongs on there on there.

I still need some guidelines to this game though. So here they are:

10 Matches total: (that seems like a generous PPV Card)

3 matches can be Tag Team Matches (Must be pre-existing Tag-Teams)

3 matches can be specialty matches (i.e. Submission Match, Ladder Match, Cage Match) no repeats

1 match can employ up to 10 people, it can be a Battle Royal, a Survivor Series Tag (The teams involved MUST have themes and are subject to rejection) or a Money in the Bank Ladder  Match(If Money in the Bank, only 8 people.)

Wrestlers can only wrestle in 1 match, regardless of type.

No Royal Rumbles

No Making up your own type of matches

You must justify your matches

You must identify your winners

Don’t waste my time with Japanese or Mexican Wrestlers.

Alright, here’s mine.

MAIN EVENT:

 1) Hulk Hogan (late 80’s) Vs Stone Cold Steve Austin (late 90’s)

These two are the champions of the 2 greatest eras in Pro-Wrestling. I’ve considered many people for this spot, and I don’t think anybody can claim greater impact on the sport than either of these guys; the man who made WWF a household entity, and the man who was the embodiment of the Attitude Era. I like Austin more, but Hogan made me love the sport. Austin would dominate Hogan much of the match with dirty tricks. He’d bloody The Hulkster with a chair shot, he’d choke him with a TV cord, he’d bash him against the guardrails. It would be awesome. But eventually, Hogan retaliates. The big boot and the leg drop leave Austin reeling. Still, the Rattlesnake won’t go down. He kicks out from a 2nd leg drop. And nails a stunner out of nowhere! Hulk is down but when Austin goes for the pin the Hulkster kicks out. He “Hulks-up” as Stone Cold tries to stomp a mud-hole in him. He’s Hulking all the way to his feet, only to catch another Stunner! Kevin Nash and Scott Hall charge the Ring (that’s right, Hogan turns  NWO right there!). One distracts the Ref while the other hits his finisher on Austin. Hogan makes the cover and steals the win! The 3 then grab some spray paint and deface their new title They turn to do the same to the fallen Austin, but he’s up, He kicks Hogan in the crotch, Stuns Hall and sprays Nash in the Eyes with a lose can of spray paint. He rolls out of the ring and walks backwards to the dressing room middle fingers in the air. He lost. But he isn’t defeated. And Hogan couldn’t do it clean.

Winner: Hogan

 2) The Rock (early 2000’s) Vs Andre “The Giant” (late 70’s)

The biggest superstar in wrestling takes on the biggest superstar in wrestling. I think both of these guys could easily be in the main event, but aren’t. The People’s Champ, the most iconic star in the sport Takes on the most marketable dude ever in the sport. It’s hard to put The Rock in any situation where he’s the underdog, but putting him up against Andre would fit the bill. This is also great because it never happened, and is a true Dream Match. A long back and forth match with The Rock finally dropping The People’s Elbow on Andre.

Winner: The Rock

 3) HHH (present) Vs Macho Man Randy Savage (early 90’s)

The 2 best champions in Wrestling History. These guys are grinders. Both were champions that took the second seat to more charismatic heroes and went on to become Superstars almost silently. You looked up one day and were like, Holy Shit, That dude’s my favorite. I’m giving this to HHH just because he’s better as a cheater, and in this match, he’s cheating. After almost an hour of back and forth inside and outside the ring, Macho Man hits an elbow from the top-rope and covers HHH for like a 9 count, but the ref’s knocked out, from earlier underhanded HHH actions. When Macho Man tries to wake him, boom, a sledgehammer to the back of his noggin, and The Game steals one. The crowd boos and hates him but LOVES this match.

Winner: HHH

 4) Goldberg (late 90’s) Vs The Undertaker (late 90’s)

The two most famous streaks in Pro-Wrestling. Goldberg didn’t lose in forever, and The Undertaker doesn’t lose at Wrestlemania. I’m not going to lie. I’m not a Goldberg fan, but he was huge for the sport. I’d love to see him lose and Taker’s the only person I know who can do it. They both kind of exist outside the realm of “greatest.” They’re both kind of like favorite side stories. Goldberg hits the spear, crowd roars, but The Undertaker sits up from it.  He wails on him for awhile, walks the ropes, hits a Choke Slam. Goldberg still fights back, but then Taker hits the Tombstone, and makes an exhausted cover. It’s great. He can’t get his cool cross-armed cover for the pin, but he gets the pin.

Winner: The Undertaker

 5) Kurt Angle (early 2000’s) Vs Bret Hart (mid 90’s) Submission Match

The Excellence of Execution takes on your Olympic Hero. This is my favorite match, two of the most technically gifted wrestlers ever to strap on the boots. I’d love to see this match wear them both out so badly that they have to resort to desperate attacks. Angle goes through a table, Bret gets hit with a chair. Eventually Bret slaps on the Sharpshooter, but, just as Angle’s about to tap, Hart collapses from exhaustion. Angle’s so mangled he can’t stand up for the ten count. Ref rings the bell.

Winner: Draw

 6) Sting (late 90’s) Vs Shawn Michaels (mid 90’s) Ladder Match

Two guys who never switched companies but we’re great at the same time. We never got to see this match and it would have been amazing! A Stinger Splash up against the ladder, and a Scorpion Death Lock outside the ring leaves Sting looking like the winner. But as he goes back the ring… DX (Chyna, the New Age Outlaws, and X-Pac, since HHH isn’t allowed to be in this) runs in and steals the ladder. As Sting yells at the Degenerates, he doesn’t see HBK limp in and prep for the Sweet Chin Music. After cleaning the Stinger’s clock with it, he climbs the ladder that DX slides into the ring for him and gets the win.

Winner: Shawn Michaels

 7) Rowdy Roddy Piper (late 80’s) Vs Chris Jericho (present)

I want these guys to talk for a solid 20 minutes before a match that involves as much eye-poking and nut-shots as it does arm wrenches and throwing into the ropes. Jericho takes a beating standing up for a while, and almost falls to the sleeper hold. Piper makes it to the ropes to get out of the Walls of Jericho, but eventually a Code-Breaker does him in.

Winner: Jericho

  8) Legion of Doom (Early 90’s) Vs The Hardy Boyz (early 2000’s)

This tag team match stretches all across the arena and every person involved goes through a table outside of the ring except Matt Hardy. Jeff hits a Swanton from a ladder through the announce table. Eventually Matt gets put through a table, but not until its put in the ring, and he hits it falling off of the Dooms Day Device.

Winners: LOD

 9) Mankind (mid 90’s) Vs Jake “The Snake” Roberts (late 80’s) Boiler Room Brawl

Two of the Scariest Dudes in pro-wrestling. One scared me when I was 7, one when I was 17. To be clear, this is a healthy Foley, when he was still looking to become a champion and would do anything to make an exciting match, and a Jake Roberts who still hated the crowd and lived only to scare little kids. I know Jake didn’t exist the era of hardcore, but he was the first to perform moves on the cement and really hurt folks on TV. This match is crazy violent as Jake does unthinkable things to Mankind. He drives him through tables, bends chairs over his head, rolls him through tacks, and slams his head in doorframes. Eventually Mankind mounts his offense, and uses all the back room staples. He bust mop handles over Jake’s back and tosses him through a window. He even incapacitates Roberts with the Mandible Claw. As he goes to climb the stairs and leave the Boiler Room, Damian is blocking his path. It Spooks Mankind, he reels back down a couple of stairs and backs into a recuperated Snake, who hits a DDT and on the cement. He crawls the stairs and wins. The last Image from the camera in the back is of Damian slithering through a pile of thumbtacks and broken glass as Mankind laughs hysterically.

 10) Money In The Bank Ladder Match

Participants: Edge (present) Ravishing Rick Rude (early 90’s) Mr. Perfect (early 90’s) Samoa Joe (Present) Booker T (Early 2000’s) Bam Bam Bigelow (early 90’s) Eddie Guererro (mid 2000’s) The Miz (Present)

This match was hard to fill. There are still SO many people I want to put on this card. But there’s just not room. So I took guys who I think would be great in this match. I have a couple of big guys for power, tons of guys who can move. And a few that can command a crowd while they’re in the ring. There are some things specifically I’d love to see; An Axe-Kick from a ladder, A Rude Awakening through a table, Bam Bam going up the ladder with Joe on his back until he gets choked out. Eddie Frog Splashing into a Spear, Miz giving an interview that says he’ll be dominant and then catching a Perfectplex through a Table that keeps him out most of the match.  I feel all of these guys could have rocked this match. It’s not just a list of guys I like. But the winner, would be the only guy who’s absolutely Perfect.

Winner: Mr. Perfect

This game’s really hard. I hope you’ll play along and see how hard it is. You can’t put everybody on there. (I don’t have Flair or Ulitmate Warrior. I don’t have Cena or Lugar.) There are just so many!  Try to play by the rules and focus on great matches. Nobody wants to see The Rock & Sock Connection fight the MegaPowers. (Now that I put that, it looks Awesome!) There’s a ton of great ideas; let me hear yours’.  But I’ll bet I  like mine more.

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Comments
  1. Ok DJ,

    First off Announcing my show will be Gorrilla Monsoon and Jim Ross

    To Start the match we have a 8 man MITB match: For a chance at the title whenever he choses

    First to enter is the Whole F’N Show Rob Van Dam

    Second is The Homicidal, Suicidal, Genocidal, Sabu ^ (arrow stands for finger raised for the shiek)

    Next is Enigmatic Enigma Jeff Hardy (with face paint and on coke)

    Fourth in the ring and first in the ladies hearts we have the Shaman of Sexy John Morrision

    Fifth for all the Peeps out there is Christian

    Next up is Ohhhh Yeeeeeeaaaah! Black Machismo Jay Lethal

    7th is Fozzy’s own Y2J Chris Jericho

    and 8th due to Affirmative action is Shelton Benjamin.

    This is an amazing match which features everyone’s finisher, several Tables and chairs thanks to sabu, and Jay Lethal getting carried to the back for falling off the to of the ladder onto the ring post crushing his chest. The end came swiftly after that when, Chris Jericho and RVD were fighting at the top of the ladder and RVD managed to kick him in the face to grab the briefcase. Jericho fell and just to seal the deal RVD hits a 5 star frog splash with the briefcase sandwitched between the two high flyers on impact.

    Next we have a Four way falls count anywhere elimination match for the newly returned Cruiserweight title Between. Evan Bourne, A.J. Styles, Amazing Red, and Super Crazy.

    Super Crazy pins A.J. with a moonsault off the balcony
    Amazing Red pins Super Crazy with Code Red off of the announce table
    Evan Bourne pins Amazing Red with the Shooting Star Press from top rope to outside

    Up next is a comic relief triple threat match, between Doink the Clown, Santino, and Eugene.
    Doink destroys everyone and makes santino tap with the stump puller.

    More to come when I get off work

  2. Kyle DeWees says:

    Match 1: A 8 man every man for himself elimination match with

    Super Crazy (2000ish) – Awesome aerial guy. Never got the push he should have in any promotion.
    La Parka (1998) – Awesome lucha-guy, Love the look, love the chair, awesome.
    Tajiri (2000ish) – I know those kick were fake but dammit they look painful.
    Ultimo Dragon (1998ish) – Great agility. Awesome high spots.
    Nova (2000ish) – Fun wrestler to watch.
    Rey Mysterio (1996) – Rey before Rey met roids. Pure talent not hidden under far too much muscle mass for his frame.
    1,2,3 Kid (1990ish) – Before x-poc and six he was a pretty good wrestler.
    CM Punk (2004) Punk before Vince took away all his good moves. Think around the strip club match with Vic Grimes.
    Bryan Danielson (2009) – They call him the greatest in the world for a reason.

    It would be a high flying match with spots all over. But, this was when Punk was a heel and I see him stealing a pin from Danielson. Leading to a great feud and some of the best matches ever.

    Match 2: Outsiders (1996) vs. Brothers of Destruction (2001)
    2 of the best big men tag teams. Hall and Nash steal the win with a distraction from 1,2,3 Kid and Jimmy Hart.

    Match 3: Bret Hart (Wrestlemania 13) vs. Taz (2000 right before the WWE jump)
    I thought of a Taz / Ken Shamrock match but this won out. 2 of the best technical guys to ever step in a ring. Hitman knocks Taz out with the Sharpshooter.

    Match 4: Dudleys (1999) vs. Motor City Machine Guns (present) vs. The Gangstas (1996)

    Messy match, lots of blood, lots of weapons. New Jack gets the pin on a bloody Buh-Buh.

    Match 5: Raven vs. Dreamer vs. Sandman (all around 1996) – steel cage – A combination of the 2 best feuds in ECW history. This one goes to Sandman but is there really a winner here?

    Match 6: Stone Cold (1996) vs. Macho Man (1988) this one would just be fun to watch. I think Stone Cold gets the stunner because did the guy ever really loose in 96?

    Match 7: nWo Hogan (1996) vs WM 2 Hogan (1986) fuck it you said anything’s possible. And I wanna see this. Difference only WM 2 Hogan is willing to job and just barely so we get a double count out.

    Match 8: Andy Kaufman (1980ish) vs. David Arquette (when he was WCW champ) Fuck it i just wanna see Andy with the WCW strap.

    Match 9: Shane Douglas vs Justin Credible (both present day) honestly this one is just a toss up to whoever can get the day off from Target.

    Match 10: RVD vs. Sabu vs. Terry Funk (all from 1997ish) in a barb wire rope ladder match. Sabu gets hurt beyond human comprehension. Funk dies mid-match yet it looks hard as shit for RVD to win it.

  3. OK I’m Back

    Match 4. Next up we have a Three way Tag match to determine The world tag champs.
    ECW Dudleys vs. DX Shawn and HHH, vs. the WCW Outsiders.
    The winner of this match is just too sweeeeeeeeeeet Outsiders win.

    Match 5. Is a tag ladder match for IWGP tag titles and is between The Motor City Machine Guns and London and Kendrick. This match is probably going to be the most beautiful fucking thing on earth. Both teams will bring their A-game and we will see moves never even imagined. Including a battle between Brian Kendrick and Alex Shelley to see who masters the Sliced Bread #2 better. There will be an amazing Mule Kick from London, and a Massive Hesitation dropkick from the tree of woe from Sabin. But the motor city machine guns win by a hair, Due to Kendrick being on Acid and forgetting he is in a match.

    Match 6. Dean Malenko vs. Wiliam Regal vs. Fit Finlay for technical excellance and also the most boring thing I could think of. A great time to buy MERCH!!!!!!! Winner who gives a shit

    Match 7. Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Vader for the World Heavyweight title. Vader wins when Bigelow goes for the GFAP and vader rolls away then Vader hits the Vader powere bomb then finishes it with a Vadersault. Also Vader steals Bam’s main squezze Luna

    Match 8. For the Intercontinental Championship and best bleach blonde mullet. Mr. Perfect vs. Dolph Ziggler. Dolph goes in for the “Hi, I’m Dolph Ziggler handshake” is kicked in the gut and given the perfect plex. His mullet is PERFECT

    Match 9. Kurt Angle vs. Taz. Angle wins with a gruesome Ankle lock

    Match 10. Randy Orton vs. In his prime whenever that was Ric Flair for the WWE championship. R.K.fucking.O and several punts to the head to open up that superglued cut at the top of flair’s hairline to get the best blood hair in the fucking business. RANDO IS GOD

  4. Billy J says:

    here’s my card, i call my pay-per-view “billy in the bank”. it doesn’t make sense but it incorporates my name so i like that.

    1.Papa Shango Vs. Mankind in a buried alive match.
    -Winner Mankind but Shango reappears and clocks a victorious mankind with the shovel he was just buried with.

    2.Jeff Hardy (late 90s-early 00’s) vs. John Morrison
    -winner Hardy. stat-wise i think people would agree.

    3. Jake the Snake (w. Damien) vs. Randy Orton (two similar anti-heros, soft spoken, snake enthusiasts)
    – winner Jake the snake, followed by draping orton with Damien

    4.Big Boss Man Vs. Stone Cold
    — this i just wanna see because it’s the age of battle of rednecks vs. police.
    –obviously stone cold.

    5. Bret Hart 90’s vs. Chris Jericho Late 00’s.
    –Jericho wins and declares Canadian Supremacy

    6. Edge late 00’s vs. Eddie Guerrero Cage Match
    –edge by cheating just a little bit more

    7. The NWO, Hall and Nash Vs. late 90’s DX HBK and triple H
    –DX wins but another curtain call break protocall

    8.Hulk Hogan in his prime vs. Early 00’s Rock.
    –close call but i’ve gotta hand it to the Hulkamaniac once he goes into his fit.

    9.Rick Rude vs. Rowdy Roddy Piper for the title of most underrated and under appreciated star
    –Rick Rude wins because recently peole have started giving Piper his props.

    10. Andre the Giant vs. The Big Show
    — no winner because the ring collapses again after the first body slam

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